News: Rock House answer all those questions you were too afraid to ask... this time speakers

From series 2, episode 6 - 05/05/1980 Customer: Mel Smith
Salesman 1: Rowan Atkinson
Salesman 2: Griff Rhys Jones

Customer: 'Scuse me...
Salesman: Yeah!
Customer: I wonder if you could help me, please... I'd like to buy a gramophone.
Salesman: A what?
Customer: A gramophone.
Salesman: Gram-o-phone...
Customer: A gramophone.
Salesman: I don't think we got any gramophones here, Grandad! (laughs)
Customer: What's that then?
Salesman: That's a tri-hour automatic cut direct-drive turntable if --- very much mistaken...
Customer: What's the difference between that and a gramophone?
Salesman: Well, about 30 years and a plastic cover to you, Chief!
Customer: Well, I'd like one of these, please.
Salesman: You're sure?
Customer: Yes, please...
Salesman: Alright... (to his collegue) This is gonna be good... Right, well as you can see, it's got all the speeds, it's got "33 and "45, and it...
Customer: Yes, but what do I do with my old 78's?
Salesman 2: (laughs)
Salesman: What d'ya say?
Customer: Nothing, nothing!
Salesman: You said "What about my old 78's", didn't you?
Customer: No, I didn't, honestly, no...
Salesman: Alright... So ya got your deck. D'you want a Dolby with it?
Customer: Um, yes please.
Salesman 2: (laughs)
Salesman: Ya only get Dolby's for tape recorders, Chief, right? D'you want an amp?
Customer: Um no, I won't bother with that...
Salesman 2: (laughs)
Salesman: You won't hear anything Grandad without an amp, I'm afraid!
Customer: Sorry! Yes, of course, I want an amp!
Salesman: Alright, what sort of output are you looking for?
Customer: What sort have you got?
Salesman: Aaah... No, no clues...
Customer: About medium...
Salesman: How many watts exactly?
Customer: Oh, I should think about... about 3?
Salesmen: (laugh hysterically)
Customer: No, 2000!
Salesmen: (laugh even harder)
Customer: 500... 30?
Salesman: 30?
Customer: 30!
Salesman: 30? So ya know all about it now then, do you? Ya want a 30W amp?
Customer: I want a 30W amp.
Salesman: D'you want speakers?
Customer: Yes.
Salesman: D'you want rumble filters?
Customer: Yes.
Salesman: D'you want a bag on your head?
Customer: Yes.
Salesman: (Puts a paper bag on the man's head) So ya got your deck, ya got your amp, ya got your rumble filters, and of course, you got your bag on your head. Now, d'you want woofers and tweeters?
Customer: No! I don't want stupid things like woofers and tweeters!
Salesman: You got them, whether you want them or not, Grandad, they're on ya speakers! You'll be tellin' us you don't want slim-line salad dressing next...
Customer: Yes, I do want slim-line salad dressing!
Salesmen: (Shoot salad dressing over the customer)

A couple of weeks ago we talked about a few different types of microphones that can be used to mic a band (How to Mic a Band - Types of Microphones). Last week we talked about pick-up and polar patterns in microphones (How to Mic a Band - Pick-up and Polar Patterns). This week we dive into the some of the different types of speakers and what their basic functions are when it comes to the sound you are wanting to get. They each have a particular use.

Types of Speakers